我30多岁，和几个孩子结婚。 我在过去的3年里一直在一家公司工作。 去年，我们公司收购了一家有财务问题的竞争对手，并裁减了大部分开发人员（5），但不久之后就有1人辞职。
我听说过之前烧尽，但没有意识到这是一个实际的事情。 我以前从来没有经历过这个。 我不知道如何摆脱这种情绪。 我的家人一直非常支持我，让我感觉很糟糕。 我不再有什么乐趣可以在身边，我觉得我很快就会改变它们。
这是一个小公司，是一个好人，如果我离开，他会受到很大的损失。 在财务上，他们的手是捆绑的，如果他们可以聘请额外的程序员来帮助，他们会。 很可能在一两个月内我们的财务状况会好得多。
过去几年我没有私人时间 - 我已经度过了病假和悲痛的日子等等。在过去的几周里，我一直在头痛得越来越严重。
有没有人通过这个？ How can I keep going? 我真的不想离开，因为我觉得我会危及公司和所有人的生计。
Edit:关于实际问题是什么存在一些问题; 我希望看看有没有人经历过这种事，找到了通过它实现权力的途径 。 我希望在休息之前找到完成最后一个项目的方法，但是我越来越多地看到（而且从这些答案中证明更多）我不能这样做。 我想感谢大家花时间回答。
这个问题很难读懂 - 尽管在不同的情况下，我已经经历过类似的经历。 你的问题的答案;
How can I keep going?
或者至少 - 不是在目前的情况下。 很明显，你已经尽力推动自己。 这听起来似乎没有别的东西可以让you specifically改善情况。
您目前绝对没有工作/生活的平衡，很明显，工作压力已经开始严重影响您的健康。 No job is worth this - 无论你对雇主感到抱歉多少，都没有工作值得病重。 特别是当你有一个家庭和生病的父亲考虑。
鉴于简单的工作想法会让你感觉不舒服（我也曾经这么做过） - 这是一个明显的选择，也是最大的改进。
要么; Force a change at work
如果你离开世界，世界不会停止转变，你的主要关注点是你自己的幸福和你的家人的幸福 - 其他所有事情都是次要的。
我只是想在Julia的评论中提出一个建议 - 如果你需要更多的时间离开工作来让自己的头脑平直，那么就拿它来。 我不确定你在哪个国家，但任何医生都应该能够在一两个星期内签署你关于你的压力。
请不要认为抽出时间，或者只是说你不能再这样做了，这是一个弱点。 It's not 。 在你的情况下，你已经得到了这么多的奇迹，很多人在几个月前就已经抛弃了。
开始做这两件事很重要，因为如果你已经无法继续工作，对任何人都没有用处。 如果你退后一步健康，你的家人和朋友会支持你。 如果你不这样做，那么他们将变得像吸毒成瘾者的家人和朋友。 他们会开始思考“我无法从他自己身上拯救他”，他们会一个接一个地离开你。
Tell work everything. 准确告诉他们你在这里所说的话。 如果他们试图减少你所说的“这只是一个糟糕的一天”，那么再说清楚，如果他们不认真对待会发生什么。
这不是我们中任何人习惯与上司打交道的方式，但这里最适合你，对你的雇主最好。 留给他们为你做好准备：这是他们的业务（字面上）。 在这种情况下，几乎肯定会有比您想象的更多的选择，因为他们拥有的信息多于您关于业务的信息。
你需要知道他们是否合理（大多数人），如果是的话，他们是否富有创造力和想象力，以解决你的问题（大多数不是）。 如果他们都是这些东西，那么你很有可能继续下去。 如果他们在任何一个计数上都失败（邪恶，或者好但不足），那么你需要离开。
你所需要做的就是真诚地接受。 不要接受像薪水或地位提供的东西，但所有其他东西保持不变。 他们不是你现在需要的东西，如果你被他们吸引，这并不会让你看起来很真诚。
你想要时间和空间来恢复。 给他们提供一些控制和灵活性的机会。 拒绝任何有跛脚的东西。 如果他们提供这个给你，当你回报你的声誉会有所提高，作为一个真诚，坚强，敬业和尽职的员工。 如果他们没有给你提供任何有意义的东西，那么你将从确定你离开公司时做出正确选择中受益。
No. Just No.
即使是小公司也没有这种方式。 如果公司在一两个月内可能更好，那么现在雇佣更多程序员的问题在哪里？ 只有两个月，对吧？ 另外雇用一个程序员两个月大概是一辆新的紧凑型车的价格，所以甚至像我这样的个人可以付钱，更不用说一家公司。
如果他们不这样做，很可能在一两个月内没有任何变化。 他们只是遭受了糟糕的管理，让情况持续了七个月甚至更长时间，并没有取代开发者（他们是不是试图收回旧的？）。 他们显然把重量放在你身上，而不再关心它。
我一生曾经见过这样的情况一次或两次。 他们从未进展良好。 如果一家公司对员工的健康和福利置若罔闻，而且仍处于破产边缘，那么只有一切都会崩溃，这只是时间问题。
只是不要犯这个赌徒的错误，他认为在下一场比赛之后，一切都会变得更好。 这可能是，但一切都变得更糟的可能性很大。 这是一个例子。 如果你的工作如此重要以至于公司的存在依赖于它，那么他们在几个月前应该已经获得了更多的程序员。 即使在财务紧缩的情况下，任何合理的管理都可以做到。 如果他们宁愿选择利用员工，直到他们烧尽，他们应该得到关闭。
这里有一个非常简单而简单的事实：你不能像这样继续下去。 这是事实。 没有必要讨论它。 我可以给你的任何答案，或者你可以给自己的答案都会忽略这个事实，这是毫无意义的。 这就是出发点。 （你可以选择像现在一样继续工作而自杀;我不会考虑这一点）。
所以你要做的第一件事就是休息几天假期恢复，然后转换为每周四十小时。 你的雇主对此有何看法？ 没关系。 如果他们不喜欢它，他们可以解雇你，但那不会完成工作，是吗？ 你可能已经意识到你自己，但是你在40个小时内完成了比60个小时更多的工作。
然后你有两种可能：你要么找一份新工作，只要找到一份就离开。 或者你给你的雇主一个机会来解决这个问题。 通过雇用能够完成工作并且非常快速地雇用他们的胜任人才。
那么你的公司和你的客户呢？ 你解决你的问题。 公司可以解决问题，客户解决问题。 你对自己负责。 最糟糕的情况是什么？ 公司可能会进入。 我只是想象世界上最悲伤的一首歌在世界上最小的小提琴上演奏......如果因为你要离开而离开，他们坦率地配得上它。 另一方面，你可能会患重病，你的妻子会离婚，你不会再看到你的孩子，如果你继续这样下去，你会失去家园并最终流落街头。 那么，这是一个选择。 选择你自己和你的家人。
关于你的家人：“我觉得我很难改变他们。” 你是。 有没有好的方式糖衣这一点。 你在工作中过度扩张，而你的家人肯定因此而失利。 你被烧得憔悴不堪，你几乎无法将自己留在一起，在这种情况下，你不能为你的家人提供他们（和你！）应得的时间和情感上的联系。 你的家人迄今为止非常支持这种感觉真是太好了，但要小心家庭很难忍受你的功能缺失，而这种动态会产生持久的后果。
关于你不放弃的理由：“这是因为它是一个小公司，是一个好人，如果我离开，他会受到很大的损失。” 公司的潜在痛苦不是你的责任。 它不是。 业主和管理层负责确保他们有足够的人力来交付他们的产品，并且他们在这方面100％失败。 你根本无法完成6人的工作！ 你的公司把你置于这个位置的事实是可怕的，但是你认为to this extent承担他们的错误决定是负责任的， to this extent简直令人费解。
你为自己设定一个限制，你说：我只会工作36小时。 当我的一天结束时，它结束了。 无论服务器房是否烧毁，客户都无法支付，或者该死的东西还没有完成。
系统管理员，服务器管理员等。所有新角色不是你的关键能力，让他们在你的优先级列表的最底部。 只要对你的老板说：我不知道如何设置它。 我可以通过谷歌搜索，花费8小时计算出来，同时我会破解大量的实验内容，但我不能保证它能够运行良好和稳定，因为我对这方面的专业知识不够了解。 虽然我这样做，我不能修复破损的网站，客户将无法支付，等等......建议你的老板，他可以做你完全一样的事情，然后：谷歌和实验。
每天至少走一小时。 没有电话，没有音乐，没有陪伴。 独自一人，走在大自然中可以看到树木的地方。 树木和绿色缓解压力。
足够的睡眠。 按时上床睡觉，在睡觉或睡觉前至少两小时不要使用手机或电脑。 阅读东西，或在睡觉前散步。
你今天需要做的第一件事就是寻求医疗帮助。 去找一位心理学家讨论你的倦怠问题，并让他或她在短短两周到一个月的时间内接受短期的残疾。 您有一个需要解决的医疗问题。 根据我的经验，您的办公室/管理人员永远不会相信在您寻求治疗之前您已经被烧毁。 我有一位治疗师告诉我，我被要求休息一个月，我看着他就像他有三个头，因为我无法想象所有的工作都被允许休息一个月。 但由于它是医疗，他们不得不让我做，并猜测什么，结果没有发生任何可怕的事情。 在这个水平上执行的部分压力是由你而不是公司给你的。
在你离开的时候，花时间与你的家人一起，并自己花一些时间。 走出自然界，在任何情况下都不需要在家工作或个人编程项目上做任何工作。 这是从你的电脑工作中解脱出来的，只能用于社交媒体，写作或者一些与摄影无关的非编程爱好。 不参与任何个人编程项目是非常重要的。 这样做可能会使您的医疗假失效。
接下来是分类工作量。 治疗师的文件表明你在医学上不允许加班一段时间。 与你的经理坐下来，把所有的最后期限改为40小时内可以满足的期限。 减少要求的功能或将它们推送到另一个迭代。 只在最重要的事情上工作，直到他们雇用更多的人。
当你被要求做太多工作时，你没有学会如何制定成功的No。 您需要推迟每个最后期限，每个功能请求和每个新项目。 不要接受新的工作，如果没有相应的延迟，已经在你的盘子上工作。 有一个优先列表，并向他们展示你所要做的更多事情。 然后坚持要求他们确定哪些事情需要优先处理。
接下来的事情是每周工作超过40小时，除了偶尔（我的意思是每3-5个月一次）紧急情况。 真正的紧急情况涉及到生产系统停机，而不是假的最后期限紧急情况。 几乎所有的截止日期都可以延长。 从长远来看，没有人会记得你是在7月12日还是8月5日交货的。
我同意所有已发布的答案，但希望通过来自Stack Overflow名气的Joel Spolsky的报价来帮助您“修复”您的公司：
当我开始使用Excel 5时，我们的初始功能列表非常庞大，并且已经超出了预定时间。 “哦，我的！”我们想。 “这些都是超级重要的功能！ 没有宏编辑向导，我们如何生活？“
事实证明，我们没有选择，我们削减了我们认为的“骨头”来制定进度。 每个人都对削减感到不满。 为了让人们感觉更好，我们告诉自己我们没有削减功能，我们只是推迟到Excel 6。
随着Excel 5即将完成，我开始与同事Eric Michelman一起制定Excel 6规范。 我们坐下来查看Excel 5日程表中已打出的“Excel 6”功能列表。 你猜怎么了？ 这是您可以想象的功能最令人毛骨悚然的列表。 没有一个功能值得去做。 我不认为他们中的任何一个都是。 剔除功能以适应日程安排的过程是我们可以做的最好的事情。 如果我们没有这样做，Excel 5将会花费两倍的时间，并且包括50％无用的垃圾功能，为了向后兼容，必须支持这些功能，直到时间结束。
我的观点是，你目前每周工作80小时。 你必须把它降到40个。计算哪40小时的工作不会完成。 如果这意味着当一个小系统发生故障时会停机几个月，那就这样吧。 这是你的老板负责接手一家新公司的工作而又没有足够的员工，人们会找到解决问题的方法。
举一个具体的例子：我的公司目前正在进行拆分，因此失去了我们目前的薪资和年假制度。 The de-merger has given the IT dept lots of tight deadlines, so they have chosen to prioritise setting up a new payroll system and have left us without a leave tracking system until they have more time available. The leave tracking system is important, but not as important as making sure everyone gets paid on time.
You need to get the hell out of here as soon as possible.
I know this sounds rather blunt and makes it look like I haven't read anything about your ties with the company, and your will to make it work. 我做到了。 And it's simply not even worth trying.
Burning-out is a very insidious process: if you are aware you are burning-out, it's already pretty late. At first, you acknowledge the workload, but you feel like you can handle it. Even better, it makes you more focused, and you really feel like you're giving everything. It feels good, until you realize you've locked yourself up into it, and even if you wanted to step off to catch your breath, you couldn't.
You are saying you're short changing your family. It's probably worse than you think, since they probably (still) support you and are trying not to let appear the fact that you've changed in a negative way. If you keep going like this, they might burn out from you, so to speak, and they will resent you. And it will make everything worse.
You're also saying you don't want to jeopardize your company by leaving. That's pretty loyal on your part, but you need to keep something very important in mind: What you are currently doing is not sustainable. You will fail at some point . You will become sloppier and sloppier in your work. You will start resenting your employer for this.
And someday, you won't show up. You'll be burnt to a crisp, and you won't be able to bear the thought of going to work and endure this madness a single more day. At this point, you might need several months of sick leave to be able to work again, you might burn bridges with your employer, and you will have "let your company down" no matter what. Trying to keep it afloat for a few weeks is not worth all of this. You're not strong enough to save the day by yourself and are just consuming yourself to make it last a bit more.
And even if you could make it to the next two months, it probably won't get better. Even if your company finds the resources to hire people (and I personally don't believe this is very honest on their part), you will be needed to get them up to speed. While doing what has become your usual workload. It is not going to end.
You need to use the energy you have left to plan your immediate future: get rest (as much as you can), and find another job. You can tell your employer ahead of time that you'll be leaving, but this really is the most you can do for them. You will do serious harm (maybe permanent damage) to yourself and your family if you don't put an end to this as soon as possible.
I have been there. I have lost friends because of this. Please quit.
This happens to many people, it happened to me 9 years ago.
I worked for a very big telecom company for 9 years, the project I was on has been closed and I joined a team in a different project knowing that I would eventually become the team leader, which did happen 3 months later.
The next 3 months were the worst in my life, the project was very big, behind schedule and everyone was just trying to keep the head above water and the blame as far away from them as possible.
I spent 14 hours a day in the office, most of it in meetings or on the telephone with other branches of the company abroad. At any time I had at least 200 unread emails, I worked on the weekends just to try to keep up with the unread emails, I couldn't see a movie with my boyfriend at the time, because I constantly had to leave the cinema to talk on the phone on the weekend. I was exhausted, I was irate, I was having meltdowns whenever anything didn't go according to plan.
After another meltdown a good friend told me that I need to decide what I want for myself and to take care of myself. When I came back from the weekend I stepped into my direct manager's office and told him that I've decided that I can't keep this up and I'm resigning from the company.
I ended up staying for another year in the company but in a different project and position. I left after almost 10 years in the company, I think I confused between-
Nothing changed in the project after I left, but I know I could have never saved it from its problems because I was never given the tools to do that (when I asked for specific things I was denied).
Don't expect anyone to appreciate your sacrifice, ask for help and if you're not given this help - decide what's more important for you. Nobody will do this for you.
My husband went through an almost identical situation a few years ago (he's a software developer). He was stressed out for a while, then out of nowhere, just couldn't go on. He had trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, and was absolutely miserable. I tried to be patient but I have to admit, it did put a strain on our marriage and our family life.
He also felt like he couldn't quit, that he couldn't take a break because his role was too important and there was no one to replace him. He ended up suffering from a minor heart attack as he pushed forward. I'm still bitter to this day about what his company and co-workers put him through; it was hard to watch him struggle like he did. My husband's a good, loyal, hard-working man, and his good heart was completely taken advantage of.
Just reading what you wrote filled me with sadness as I completely understand what you're going through. You have likely been pushed so hard that you're now in a full blown depression. You simply cannot continue this way. Also, please seek out medical assistance. This didn't happen overnight and it will take a bit of time to undo the damage that has been done to you.
Let me ask you a couple questions:
If, as you say, you're so important to the company that they'd suffer greatly if you left, why are you the only one in this role? Why not have someone else that could support you and also serve as a backup in case anything happened to you?
Will your company take care of your family if you get so sick (or worse) that you can't carry on?
Something has to change. I agree with the other answers that you should be looking for a new role, or at the very least, taking time off. This isn't about powering through or "being a man". It took my husband a few months before he started returning back to normal, to sleeping properly, etc. He used to go to sleep stressed out about his work and he'd wake up in the morning and immediately think about work. It is not the way to live life.
Please think of yourself and your family. Those are the people you're only responsible for. Your body and your mind are trying to tell you something, you have to be smart enough to listen.
Find another job . Quit.
4 years ago, I was in your boat. My company had downsized (second round of layoffs) and we were all asked to do more. Then a couple of (smart) people quit, and the workload on us basically doubled. The company itself was in trouble, especially after one of our main clients went bankrupt and a significant portion of the contract was not paid.
I was good for a while; I felt happy to contribute and try to help save the company. Slowly, it started happening. I didn't even notice it at first. I was always anxious. I had trouble falling asleep, trouble waking up, and when I did wake up I was more tired than when I went to sleep.
I was very tense, and it was harder to focus on work. The more I pushed myself, the harder it became to complete tasks. The thing was, I always loved programming and I always felt blessed to work on something I mostly enjoyed. This joy was sapped out of my job first, then out of everything I enjoyed in my life.
My wife was the first to comment on it; she said that I was becoming miserable and miserable to be around. Those were harsh words, and they stung, especially since I felt I was doing what was necessary for my company and my family. In retrospect, she was 100% right.
Then it happened. One day, I woke up, ate breakfast, got dressed and just stood at the door. Then I couldn't take another step. I just started bawling my eyes out. I mean full on sobbing. I sat on the floor and just let it all out. Fortunately my son had already left for school so he didn't see his father go through it, but my wife saw it all. I was so embarrassed but I couldn't stop. I ended up calling in sick that day.
My wife wanted me to completely be away from my computer and phone . Go for a walk, take a long bike ride, maybe see a doctor. I was a mess, but I kept checking my emails. And as the requests came in, I became even more tense.
I saw a doctor the second day. He said it was a job burnout like yours. He said I need to take a vacation or else I could never get better. I let my company know that I needed a few more days off and why, even though at the time I felt embarrassed and weak.
My manager sent a very nice reply but in the very last line, he reminded me of upcoming deadlines and milestones that had to be met.
That very same day, I got 3 or 4 emails requesting help on tasks or small updates to a client's site. Then the next day I got more requests. Finally, I told my manager that I needed a couple of weeks fully off just to be able to recover. My sleep situation alone was getting worse and worse. I felt guilty that I was letting my company down.
When they emailed and called me with more tasks the next day, I knew I could never get rest.
I ended up quitting my job a few days later, especially at my wife's insistence. It took me months to recover but I'm so happy that I did.
Along the way I learned a few things about myself and what had happened.
Stress is normal, and a part of most jobs. I actually felt like I excelled under pressure. However, constant and unending stress and tension especially on your mind adds up overtime, especially if you don't take a break. It's made worse when your job starts creeping into your life, like mine did.
There comes a very definite point where chronic stress becomes a burn out. You'll be getting through your job and life one day and the next day you won't be able to go on. When this point is reached and it seems to be that you're there, stop immediately . Don't push yourself further.
You WILL NOT recover until you take time off. Full timeoff. Your mind and body need a break. It's not a suggestion. Even if you intend to stay with the company, any short term losses will pall in comparison to you not being able to function.
This seems to hit more people in IT and software development than most job sectors (nurses as well). I think people underestimate how stressful a job like programming is "Oh, you're just typing away at a computer". The reality is, you have to deal with so many issues, and are likely writing apps that are being viewed by hundreds or thousands of people daily, and once a release is made, if it's broken you can't do anything about it until it's patched and re released. You may also be responsible for writing components that are financially critical and if a third party library or service acts up, you're the one responsible for fixing it. People don't care that service XYZ stopped working, they just care that your app is no longer functioning as it should.
Finally, just some thoughts. Please let this be a lesson in the future. Put hard limits on what you can do and what you're willing to do. Take breaks. Work for a company that respects IT and its employees. If you were so crucial to the company why is there no backup plan in case you're no longer there? People quit or die everyday . Also, if they were going to be putting themselves in such financial peril, why would they buy the competitor? This makes me feel like your company is very badly managed and put increased profits above its people. You are not responsible for its downfall.
Please take care of yourself. It took me a few months to recover but I was helped by the support from my family and friends. Along the way I've met a few people who went through similar circumstances and one thing I've noticed is that pushing on just makes things worse. People have gotten strokes, heart attacks or nervous breakdowns from pushing on. 请不要。 Reading through your question just brought back everything I went through and I have so many regrets. Jobs and money come and go. You get one life. Your kids need you. They are dependent on you. You need balance in your life. Please consider everything that everyone has said. Not one person is suggesting you keep doing this. I've bookmarked this question, please update us and let us know how you're doing and what you end up doing.
Also, the reason I wrote find another job and the crossed it out as that you need time off. You also won't do well in interviews if you're still exhausted.
One thing which hasn't yet been covered by other answers...
You say you're worried about jeopardising the company. Do you or your family members own shares in that company, or is your pay or bonus directly linked to the company's performance? In other words, if/when the financial situation turns around because of all the extra hours you worked keeping the place afloat, will you directly benefit financially from that?
If you are so crucial to the company that it will fold if you leave, then typically you should have a reasonable share in the company. This may not reduce the hours you have to work, but at least then you have a strong reason for doing it. It will be (partly) your company, not just the company which pays you a salary. If you're that crucial to the company, you have the owners/directors over a barrel when it comes to demanding this. And if they don't see you're that crucial to the company, that will tell you everything you need to know about how much they actually value you.